Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

5 Daily Actions To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others (Change In A Week)

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  • Motivation & Unity  Our Modern Issues
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  •   by Richly Wills

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  • Motivation & Unity  Our Modern Issues
  •  
  •   by Richly Wills

  • Why do we often end up comparing ourselves to others and how can you stop comparing yourself to others right now?

    There’s a whole underlying psychology as to why we often compare ourselves to others, which we briefly cover here, but there are also useful tips and daily actions that will help you stop comparing yourself to others each day.

    First, let’s start with the psychology as this really helps us understand what is going on underneath and why we feel like we have to compare ourselves to others.

    Why People Compare Themselves To Others

    People have been comparing themselves to others for as long as humanity exists. You most likely probably have had times comparing yourself to others too.

    It’s not always a bad thing. It has healthily bred competition in order to fuel goals and progress to improve as a society, but today we can see the effects of comparing ourselves to others resulting in low self-esteem and raw emotions like jealousy and downright hate.

    So, why do we feel the urge to compare ourselves to others if it brings up raw negative emotions?

    It’s our hard-wired nature to want to survive, and we can perceive those who have achieved something as either mentors to follow or as a threat that undermines our own existence.

    The route we choose to follow might not be as much of a choice as we may think though today.

    When we constantly have our profile under the spotlight, often willingly in the aim to gain attention and feel validated, we invite a mirror of judgment to be placed upon us.

    We may talk about privacy issues concerning what data governments and companies track us on, but in today’s technology-led open society we are so readily accepting of sharing information about ourselves online.

    In fact, if you haven’t got a social media account then you are seen as socially recluse these days, such is the grip of technology at the central part of our own personal judgment.

    That in itself should be concerning (our technology reliance), but let’s concentrate on the why and how we should stop comparing ourselves to others.

    Why Comparing Ourselves To Others Today Is Damaging To Our Own Self-Esteem

    Stop Comparing Yourself Or You Feel Like A Failure
    stop comparing yourself with others and you’ll feel less of a failure as you won’t have to meet others’ unrealistic expectations

    We are so used to praising the successes of what we see on TV, but seldom do we praise the harder part – praising when we don’t give up after a difficult loss. We have been programmed to jump straight to the winner because that makes us feel like a winner too.

    It’s understandable to some degree. We all want to feel better, but when we live vicariously like that (through following those doing something successfully) it can actually make us feel worse in ourselves in the long run.




    Why?

    We end up comparing our own successes and failures to what we see in the news or hear through social media.

    Yet, the news is full of success stories. It might appear like it’s all doom and gloom but the news also brings us news of sportsmen who have achieved titles and movies that gain awards etc.

    It doesn’t bring us much in the personal struggles we can associate with. Sometimes it may feel like we don’t want to associate with struggle, it just makes us feel bad right?

    Well, actually it can help us cope with difficulties better when we know that the goal we are heading for, but haven’t reached yet (and not by a lack of effort), is not uncommon at all and that it’s normal to fail a thousand times before we do.

    Yet when we see success story after success story in the media we feel like we must be doing something wrong when we fail.

    A Change In Mindset Is Needed If You Want To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

    We should be celebrating the beauty of making mistakes.

    Without making errors we think we know everything and naively get served a nasty reminder at some point down the line (hopefully not after putting it all on black and red comes up).

    Making mistakes can go both ways. It can teach us what not to do and make us more afraid of taking risks by ensuring we only follow the right step, or it can help us accept that failure is a huge part of success and we will continue to fail all the time through life towards different goals. It’s just how we deal with it that counts.

    As for why we should only compare ourselves with our past selves and not others?

    Well, we know where we have come from, and only you can know what you’ve been through. It can be easy for that hard psychological work to go unnoticed externally to other people, which can be demoralizing, but self-perseverance is key to overcome that, and you can’t do that if you keep comparing yourself to others’ expectations of you.

    We know the failures, the effort, the perseverance that took place when we try something, and we should embrace that.

    Why People Don’t Praise Themselves Or Each Other Enough

    We certainly know those types who only praise us AFTER the hard work, and it’s often not helpful to us then. We needed it before when it was tough.

    Yet, people in society have been conditioned to follow success, so don’t hold out-breath for hope in being praised when you need it the most by others. It’s not because they don’t care, but because they are usually just unaware that you are going through hard challenges (the results only show once we have done something).

    They might also be going through the same too, and wished they had someone to praise them also when they need it the most, so you could remember that and encourage them when things are tough.

    The worst thing you can do is think you are only worthy of praise when you reach typical societal milestones.

    What would some of the greatest eventual success stories do if they didn’t give themselves praise and motivation along the way?

    We wouldn’t have some of the wonderful things we do have in the world today.

    It’s been said that only 10% of all of humanity that ever existed actually contributed towards humanity’s evolution. Yet, whilst they did along the way most likely struggled and didn’t receive praise from others when they needed it the most, but these few persevered.

    It’s also been said that some of the greatest innovations of our time never existed.

    In other words, had people not given up on their ideas, or had the knowledge or belief to see it through, we would have achieved even more as a species.


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    The importance of focusing on your own achievements, and not worrying about what others are doing, can’t be understated.

    If we don’t learn to give ourselves self-compassion, gratitude, and also tough love at times (to keep going), then we may well give up on pushing ourselves to find more within.

    5 Daily Actions You Can Do To Help You Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

    As well as following the insight above we can also benefit from performing different actions each day that will help remind us through our day to stop comparing ourselves to others.

    Now we could make this article easy, but generic, list and just say some of the usual positive affirmations you may hear such as ‘accept yourself, ‘don’t let fear dictate you’ and so on, but these lists seldom actually help you do what needs to be done to really make a change and stop comparing yourself to others. They are actually more likely to see you just seek comfort or read the article and still end up comparing yourself to others an hour after, as the message just isn’t implemented.

    So, instead here are more practical tips that you can use in your day at some point to help your brain get used to stopping comparing.

    Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Action #1 – Be Real Now

    It’s hugely important to stop the ‘comparing’ rut as it happens. We end up comparing ourselves with others each day because our environment promotes it, and then it becomes an ingrained habit pretty quickly.

    If everyone else is doing it we think we should be too, but most people are just unconsciously afraid and faking it through life to feel safe.

    “Role is something people play, model is something people make, both of those things are fake”

    TUPAC SHAKUR

    If you don’t play the same comparison or ‘look at me’ game in life then you can instantly be free to not judge yourself or be judge by others. The idea of ‘faking it until you make it’ is largely bad advice as it places the emphasis on faking rather than being authentic, which leads people to compare and feel the need to be validated much more than taking control. We are far better off when we ‘face it until we make it’.

    ACTION: Practice saying the mantra 'face it until we make it' to yourself through the next week so you don't give up when something is hard. 

    You don’t need to just tell yourself mantras and positive affirmations that make you ‘feel’ like you are in control, you actively have to change your mindset so you ‘are’ in control.

    Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Action #2 – Get Off The Media Train

    The media has a habit of dragging us into the comparing mindset. We see so many examples of what we should be doing or who we should be like when we watch the news. Want to stop comparing yourself to others? Well it becomes infinitely easier when you stop following the trends and give yourself more time to focus on yourself.

    ACTION: Get off social media for one full day this week and note down how much you felt the need to compare yourself through the day. Then with a day on social media then do the same and note the difference. 
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    Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Action #3 – Embrace Your Mistakes

    Often we think we should have a mantle of our successes or positive mantras on a wall or desk as motivation to keep going, but marking down our mistakes in some way (like a tick on a board) can also help us realize just how many times we have ‘learned’ something we didn’t know before (providing we don’t keep making the same mistake over and over).

    Mistakes are motivation to show progress if we allow them to be, and they force us to focus on ourselves and what we need to do, rather than be distracted by comparison.

    ACTION: Write down all the mistakes you made for an event in your life. Maybe you were bad at asking a person you liked out, or you failed a startup. Write down all the mistakes you can think of. The fact that you can recognize them as mistakes shows how you have learned what not to do, and instead, use that knowledge to then write down a different solution of what you could do differently. 

    When you get used to writing down your mistakes you take ownership of them rather than end up comparing yourself to other people’s successes. You are able to focus on your goal clearer.

    Another part of embracing mistakes is to accept that life isn’t meant to be perfect. Don’t fall for this pop psychology today that makes you think that every story you tell yourself should be about empowerment or optimism. That more likely leads people to hide in comfort rather than face up to their challenges. Embracing mistakes will make you far stronger at dealing with them than if you just seek positive stories.

    Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Action #4 – Accept Others Are Successful Too In Different Ways

    The fact is, there will be someone who is smarter, happier, wealthier, healthier, or more successful than yourself somewhere out there. It’s likely not the same person, but someone may just possess one of those traits and you may have the other, yet you will likely fixate on the one you don’t have if you are a comparer.

    This just builds impossible competition and expectations. You will also be more successful than others too in different ways, but does that actually help you deal with what’s in front of you right now? No.

    We tend to fixate on the negative when we compare, rather than see the positive in ourself so we just make ourselves, and others, feel worse.

    It’s far better to just accept and praise the successes and differences of others, plus it allows others to become mentors to look up to and to be motivated by rather than jealous of.

    ACTION: Instead of comparing yourself in your life to someone else you see online or in person today, instead engage in a conversation (if possible) and praise them for what you think they have done well. Take away the need to compare and you start developing an abundance mentality where everyone can be successful in themselves. 

    Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Action #5 – If You Do Compare Then Do It To Your Past Self

    Look back on your life to when you were younger and note down what you have achieved and how you have changed. Think about all the life lessons you still had to learn then, but which now likely take for granted as you are used to them.

    It’s not just about the external achievements, it’s actually more so about the mind changes and deeper life lessons we have navigated.

    We can look back on life and think only of what we achieved, but we might be doing ourselves an injustice to the effort we put in. If we remember the perseverance we had, the change from the lost child to the accomplished (or still learning) adult then we can see just how much we have learned along the way.

    So, instead of only giving ourselves a reward when we have achieved something (as we know society will only give us it then), give ourselves a reward when we are struggling (so long as we are trying).

    ACTION: Today find time to reflect on past experiences and see how you would deal with them differently today to what you would've done in the past. Note down the differences and your progress, and reward yourself for the progress.

    That’s it for now. Give the actions a try and suggest any other actions to help others in our new comments section below.


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